Self compassion on your plate
Many people find that their relationship with food naturally changes through the year as routines shift and life becomes full. December often brings full schedules, celebrations and social events which can shift usual patterns. By January it is common for some to feel unsettled about food choices or to sense that habits have slipped. This can lead to thoughts that feel heavy such as I should have more willpower, or I must start again with strict rules, or I have ruined my progress. Self compassion can be a game changer when you are finding your way back to a rhythm that supports your health.
The reality is that harsh rules and self criticism may work for a short time, but they rarely lead to steady long term change. They can increase guilt, emotional eating, and stress which can make it harder to notice what the body actually needs.
Personal rules that support you
In a recent conversation between Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Shane Parrish, the idea of personal rules was described as a way to make daily decisions easier and more aligned with what matters to you. Rather than relying on willpower, you set simple rules that you can follow calmly and consistently.
Developing this kind of inner awareness, known as interoception, helps people notice subtle changes in breath, heartbeat and fullness. Research shows that when interoceptive signals are tuned, people with IBS and other functional gut issues experience fewer symptoms and lower stress response.
Examples
- When I eat out, I choose the option with at least one or two colourful vegetables
- On weekdays, I drink water or herbal tea rather than sugary drinks
- I sit down to eat without my phone for at least one meal each day
- I choose the healthiest meal on the menu
- I have dessert twice a week
Shane describes how rules like this help us step out of our defaults, such as emotion, ego, social pressure and inertia. Instead of asking whether you feel like making a healthy choice in the moment, you simply follow the rule you created when you were grounded and clear minded.
Psychology research describes a similar approach known as implementation intentions. These are plans that link a situation with a specific action. If X happens, then I do Y. These plans reduce decision fatigue and support healthier eating because the choice has already been made ahead of time.
Self compassion and eating behaviour
Self compassion strengthens this approach. It involves three key elements:
- Mindfulness, which helps you notice what is happening without judgment
- A sense of common humanity, remembering that everyone struggles at times
- Kindness towards yourself, especially when things feel difficult
People who respond to lapses with kindness, rather than shame, are far more likely to return to their chosen habits at the next meal, instead of abandoning their intentions altogether.
Creating kind rules
When you combine personal rules with self compassion, you create a supportive framework that guides your choices without feeling rigid.
A harsh rule might sound like:
“I must never eat dessert this month.”
A self compassionate rule might be:
“Today, I will choose the most nourishing option that is available to me.”
Other examples:
“At social events, I fill half my plate with vegetables first, then choose other foods mindfully.”
“When I feel the urge to graze late at night, I pause and drink a glass of water or herbal tea before I decide what I need.”
“On busy days, I make sure one meal contains protein and a few vegetables to steady my energy.”
These rules are flexible, clear and kind. They take care of your gut and your mind.
A gentle experiment
Choose one rule for the next week. Write it down. Place it somewhere visible.
Examples:
- I will pause for three breaths before eating.
- I will include one extra vegetable today.
- I will eat one meal without screens most days.
If it slips, meet yourself with curiosity, not criticism. Ask what you needed in that moment, and how you can support yourself next time.
This is the heart of self compassion. It is not perfection. It is steady care.
References:
Messer, M., Lavin, R., & Adi, S. (2023). Longitudinal association between self-compassion and intuitive eating in adulthood. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 79(4), 951 to 965. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.23569
Schoenefeld, S. J., & Webb, J. B. (2013). Self-compassion and intuitive eating in college women examining contributions of distress tolerance and body image acceptance and action. Eating Behaviors, 14(4), 493 to 496. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eatbeh.2013.09.001
Teixeira, P. J., Patrick, H., & Mata, J. (2011). Why we eat what we eat the role of autonomous motivation in eating behaviour regulation. Nutrition Bulletin, 36(1), 102 to 107. https://www.selfdeterminationtheory.org/SDT/documents/2011_TeixeiraPatrickMata_NutrBul.pdf
Turk, F., & Waller, G. (2020). Is self-compassion relevant to the pathology and treatment of eating and body image concerns A systematic review and meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 79, 101856. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2020.101856
Feel Better Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee. (2025, November 21). BITESIZE The surprising secret to making new habits stick and effortlessly achieving your goals Shane Parrish 597. Podscripts. https://podscripts.co/podcasts/feel-better-live-more-with-dr-rangan-chatterjee/bitesize-the-surprising-secret-to-making-new-habits-stick-effortlessly-achieving-your-goals-shane-parrish-597
Chatterjee, R. (Host). (2023, November 15). How to create healthy habits, think clearly and effortlessly achieve your goals with Shane Parrish. Feel Better Live More podcast. https://drchatterjee.com/how-to-create-healthy-habits-think-clearly-effortlessly-achieve-your-goals-with-shane-parrish
